I was mistaken... NEXT week is our Really Busy Week! So here's a Friday assortment!

Butternut Squash

Last year I grew my own butternut squash, but my 1' by 4' vertical patch only yielded 10 half-sized squashes (which is actually quite impressive, but not enough to last through the winter). So I bought like 20 full-sized butternut squash at a produce auction for $0.60 each. What a bargain!

Well, last week I had about 10 rotting full-sized butternut squash to do something with. We ate a lot of squash. I also froze several of the squash, so we'll be eating squash for a long time.

The good news: I've discovered a lot of ways to eat squash. My favorite way is to cube it up and roast it in my air fryer/Instant Pot Crisplid. I like the Crisplid for some things, but I don't recommend buying one. It's not even big enough for three of us, let alone an average-sized family. But I still use it because I bought it, and it makes some fantastic squash!! If I were to buy another air fryer, I would buy the biggest model I could find.

The roasted cubes can be added to a lot of meals, or served as a side. In addition to that, I'll also cook some squash with potatoes and mash it all up for a squashy mashed potatoes. It's actually pretty good if you keep the squash at 40% and the potatoes at 60%. Half squash and half potatoes makes the mix a little too... squashy.

There are still some rotting butternut squash in our garage. But I got to thinking...

Is it worth 30 minutes per squash to salvage $0.50 worth of produce? Probably not. So this year I'll take care not to buy as much, and I may end up throwing a few of them on the compost pile during our Really Busy Week.

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Bedroom Updates

Over the last 6 months, I've been slowly working on improving our daughter's bedroom. It now has new paint, a rug that I like, some exercise elements, a music element, and I'm working on zippered bedding similar to Beddy's (but a fraction of the cost). I've tried to stick with a Montessori-style design to make things easier for her to use and be responsible for.

One element we added this week was a shelf for her toys. She already has two small shelves, and she's really taken ownership of one shelf, organizing her books and small toys. The new shelf is actually a cloth diaper shelf that my husband made for me several years ago:  

Within five minutes of securing the shelf, she already had the baskets, dustpan and wooden bowl sitting in the cubbies, Montessori-style! I didn't even encourage her to do that.

She loves cleaning up her room (when I help her) and organizing and arranging her toys. I'm hoping that the different room elements I'm working on will allow her to be more independent and confident.

That's about all for now!

-Bethany
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Hi everyone! I did some fun things in the last two weeks that I thought I'd share today.

Year-round Garden

Several years ago, I decided that I didn't enjoy canning in the way that homesteaders are supposed to enjoy canning. However, I still liked the taste, nutritional value and savings that came from gardening. The result of this quandary was a goal I came up with: to harvest fresh produce year-round.

This month our menu will feature butternut squash, apples, onions, garlic, potatoes, parsnips, beets, and possibly some microgreens or foraged greens. I'll be supplementing those things with some dried and canned produce. I didn't grow a lot of those things; the apples, onions, and most of the potatoes and butternut squash were things I purchased specifically for my cold storage experiment. But I WILL be growing them this year! Every year I try to expand the garden a little bit to get closer to the ultimate goal of fresh produce all year round.

I had a goal last year to do a winter garden, growing spinach, lettuce and cherry tomatoes in our basement. I was able to set up an indoor grow system last month, but it was too late to have a winter garden. Instead, I'm using the setup for my spring seedlings:

I paid $50.00 for the 4 ft. grow light, and $30.00 for a 100ft roll of reflective mylar film (to help keep the light focused on the seedlings. Amazon also had a $20.00 roll of film, but it was only 25ft so I chose to buy the bigger roll for an extra $10.00, just in case I decide to expand the indoor grow operation.

The light is one that hooks to other lights, again, so I'll be able to expand up or down a shelf if I choose to.

I put the light on a timer, so basically I just go down there every few days to water the seedlings. Most of them are onions, tomatoes and peppers. They are looking very stocky and sturdy so far. Last year, without a grow light, my tomato and pepper seedlings were tall and spindly. This year I'm hoping for better. 


Big Pantry and Household Haul

It's March. Do you remember what happened last March? Well, I sure do! And last week I put in a huge Walmart order and bought a ton of toilet paper. A TON. I also stocked up on stuff like tomato paste, pasta, rice, beans, laundry detergent, toothpaste, trash bags and such.

It cost about $100.00 to stock up the pantry for 4-6 months, and another $100.00 for 6 months' worth (more or less) of personal care and household supplies. We have a small family and I buy mostly Walmart or store brand items, so it doesn't cost much to stock up for a long time. Another thing I've tried to do is replace disposable products with reusable products, which also cuts down on yearly expenses.

Between stocking up twice a year and growing a lot of our own produce, it means I only have to buy a few things when I go grocery shopping, like dairy products or specialty items. There are still some things I wait for sales on, like barbecue sauce (we buy a name brand for that) and butter. But the big pantry haul eliminates time wasted shopping AND money wasted buying stuff I don't really need every time I go shopping. Not only that, but I have a feeling that food prices are going to increase this year, so why not buy stuff while it's still cheap?


Thrifting

Before we picked up our groceries at Walmart, I returned a bunch of cans and bottles; most of which were picked up on the side of the road. I got almost $12.00 from the returns, which I took straight to the thrift store to spend on books and a few other odds and ends. LOL!

I can be a real pack rat, so I try to get rid of things when I no longer need them. It's a good policy for almost everything. But not for books.

Several years ago, I donated about a third of my book collection. We were running out of space, and I was due to have a baby soon. I'd just read Marie Kondo's The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I asked myself, "Does this book spark joy? Is it still useful to me?" One of the books I donated was called The Diaper-Free Baby. I read the whole book and thought, Yeah, I think I know enough about this and I won't need it anymore. So I  tossed it in the box. Just a few months later I was wanting that book back!! And there have been several books I gave away that I wish I could have back, including some that were gifted to me and I only donated "because our local library has them". Now that we have space, I realize how stupid it was to get rid of so many good books permanently when I could have just put them in storage until we did have more space (which I knew I would, eventually).

There are a good number books now that I've ended up rebuying, at a much higher price than what I paid to begin with. And depending on how far Amazon and Ebay decide to go with their censorship, many of the books I want to read or reread might be harder and harder to find. So I've decided to just buy a book if it's something I think I will ever read.

Last week I was thinking about what books I should start looking for in regards to our daughter's education, since I plan on homeschooling. I thought about one book I particularly enjoyed that shaped me as a preteen/young teenager called Beautiful Girlhood. Again a book that I owned, and got rid of because "I didn't need it anymore." Sigh. One more book I'd have to rebuy (currently selling for about $4.00 w/shipping) at some point. 

Well, when I was at the thrift store a day later, I found a copy! For $0.50! So I bought it. Yes, it will be a long time until our daughter can read it herself. But I know from experience that I regret not buying books, and I'd rather spend a little to rebuy a book than a lot. 

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Puff Pastry Video

Okay, last thing! I uploaded a new episode of "Meals From the Bunker" on Rumble. You can watch it by clicking the picture below:

Rumble has made changes recently so it runs more like Youtube. It's a lot more functional now than it was when I first started uploading, and I'd recommend downloading the app if you can.

Okay, that is all for this week! I hope you are all enjoying early spring as much as I am. We have several guests coming over next week, so I may skip posting. But I will be back then the following week.

Later,
Bethany

Hi everyone! I missed posting yesterday, as our daughter woke up early, and I missed posting last week because we were gone! We spent the weekend at a marriage retreat (which was more like a workshop than a retreat, but I'll cover that later), which I'm going to make the main topic of this post.

Back before Christmas, some of my sisters-in-law were talking about marriage counseling and/or events, and one of them mentioned a retreat happening on Ohio. We thought it would be fun for several of us couples to go together. Hubs and I have always wanted to do some type of marriage event, but it has never worked out. So I was like, "Yeah, sure, send me the info and I'll sign us up."

The event was called "Two Hearts; One Flame" and held by the ministry Haven of Hope. It was at a large Mennonite church, and led by a Mennonite couple—marriage counselors who are booked out several years! While some marriage retreats are basically a romantically-themed vacation, this one is more like a workshop with some fun elements and very good food. It's designed to be like counseling, but self-directed and on a large scale. There were 10-14 tables set up with three couples per table, plus a bunch of staff at the back of the room. The most surprising thing to me was the amount of gray heads I saw. Probably two-thirds of the couples attending were in their upper 40's or older, many of them grandparents. 

We sat with one younger couple, married for about a year and a half, and on the other side an older couple, "Tom" and "Tessa" who had been married for 25 years. Tom was slim, probably in his 50's, dressed in a crisp plaid shirt tucked into jeans. His wife Tessa, also in her early 50's, was wearing a nice sweater, skirt and neat black doily on the back of her head. Each evening, one couple at the table had to answer four prompts; a good childhood memory, a bad childhood memory, the best part of their marriage and the biggest struggle in their marriage. The prompts gave you a good idea of each person's "story". Hubs and I were shocked when we heard Tom's story. He had let Tessa "run the show" for the first 20 years of their marriage, while he snuck around engaging in what our workbooks politely called 'moral failure'. 

"On the outside I was sitting down," he explained, "but on the inside I was standing up." He went on about his involvement in the worst kind of marital sins. It culminated in his having to spend three months in jail.

"Was that the low point in your marriage?" Hubs asked.

"No," he said. "Jail was actually not the worst part." He went on to explain that while he was in jail, he was served with a lawsuit that had to do with a texting relationship with a woman that he'd cut off five years prior, but never told Tessa about. The lawsuit could've caused him to lose their family farm. "That was definitely the worst part," he finished. After he got our of jail, he finally confessed everything to Tessa, they got help, and slowly began to rebuild their marriage.

"I really wish we could have started our marriage three or four years ago, and erased the first 20 years," Tessa said. "I mean, not erasing the time we spent raising our daughters, but I just wish we could start our relationship at the point we're at now."

That whole ordeal was something I wouldn't have guessed from looking at Tom and Tessa, but as the event went on I realized that this story (plus or minus jail and lawsuits) was not uncommon.

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What's a "Spin Cycle"?

I mentioned previously that this retreat was more like a workshop than a vacation. I love marriage books, and they are awesome and helpful, but you can't master something by just reading about it. I greatly appreciated the personalized approach that the conference took. The main task of this workshop was to choose a "spin cycle" (an offense that turned into an argument and spun out of control) in your own marriage and break down how and why it happened. While slowly dissecting our own spin cycles, we listened to many, many spin cycles featuring real couples... and we could ALL relate.

​Below is an example of someone else's spin cycle we looked at:

You can follow the flow chart and kind of see where that argument ended... or rather, where it didn't end. When we worked through this spin cycle, the speaker got Jordan and his wife (I'll call her Molly... I forget her real name) to come up to the stage so he could interview them. Unlike many of the attendees, Jordan and Molly were definitely not Mennonite, and looked like they came out of a normal suburb somewhere. They were probably in their 40s. Their spin cycle was about an incident that happened eight months ago. They needed a new washer and dryer, according to her. He told her to "do some research" to see what they should get. Her idea of research was looking on Pinterest to decide whether they should get a front loading washer or a top-loading one.

When she presented her research, he became irritated because he felt like he would have to do "the research" all by himself, and also renovate the laundry room thanks to Pinterest. On top of that, he was trying to figure out how to pay for it (something he failed to mention to her). In the meantime, the laundry was taking four hours when it should have taken two hours, and she was having to do a lot of extra work because of the broken washer and dryer.

The speaker then called on the audience to help fill out Box 3 on her chart. In our workbooks, we looked at a chart of thoughts and asked her which ones she was thinking at the time. 

Audience member: "Did you think you were not loved?"
Molly: "Yes."
Audience: "Did you think you were inadequate?"
Molly: "No."

This went on for a few more questions as we tried to pinpoint some of her thoughts. Then someone asked,

"Did you think 'he gets everything and I get nothing'?"

​Poor Molly broke down. She didn't answer but only nodded, tears streaming down her face. Even though the fight had supposedly ended months ago, that thought was still alive and well in her mind, and I'm not sure even she knew it before it was said out loud.

The issue was the same, but the two parties looked at it completely different. Jordan felt like Molly was putting the weight of the world on his shoulders, and Molly felt like Jordan was subjecting her to servanthood, telling her that she was not worth his time or money. Were either of those things true? No. But as different individuals with different roles and different work, we can all believe untruths sometimes.


What's the Big Deal?

So, what's the big deal about a spin cycle? As several of the speakers pointed out, often one spouse's reaction to pain is the other spouse's trigger, and the cycle goes on indefinitely. The key to stopping the cycle is not necessarily to stop the feelings. It is to stop the negative thoughts or lies (Box 3) and the sinful reaction to pain.

The retreat taught me some about my husband and his responses and triggers, but it also taught me a lot about myself. By identifying "childhood traumas", you can see patterns of response/reaction in your life that lead to poor choices and hurt other people. Some people like to wallow in their traumas and blame all of their problems on their childhood, but the speakers here made it clear that everyone has "traumas" in one form or another. It's not the trauma that creates a problem, but your reaction to the trauma that creates a problem.

If you can identify that trauma, it's easier to identify patterns of reaction in your life. One of my traumas was going to school. We can all agree that going to school is not abuse or neglect in an objective sense of the word, but for me it felt like neglect. I hated riding the bus every morning. I didn't know the bus driver, didn't know any of the kids. I always tried to find the perfect spot: an empty seat was the best, because then I wouldn't have to talk to someone I didn't know. After that I tried to get a middle seat, because the kids in the back were naughty (and I didn't want to get yelled at by the cranky bus driver), and if you sat in front, there was just a bigger chance that another kid would sit by you or that you'd have to talk to that bus driver.

Years later, hearing school bus brakes, smelling the exhaust and feeling dust swirl up around my face makes me nervous. It's not something I can control; it's just a feeling, like if you step on a nail and it hurts. Other things I worried about when I was five: only being able to eat at lunchtime, kids making fun of my lunch, having to ask to go to the bathroom, wondering if someone would knock on the door while I was in there, giving a wrong answer to a question, being reprimanded, who to hang out with at recess. The bus ride home was far better, because the worst part of my day was over and when I got off the bus I could jump away my stress on the trampoline. I loved learning and was a really good student. But I hated school. Rather than learning, I spent most of my time trying to navigate the social scene, stay under the radar of the teachers and not be one of the "bad kids". 

As you can imagine given my "trauma", it caused problems early on in our marriage when my wonderful husband would dump me in an unfamiliar group of his friends/family and leave me to socialize by myself. I learned to associate certain places with being dumped, and then we'd argue whether or not to go to those places.


Hope for Every Marriage—Even the Worst Ones

Everyone has these kinds of arguments based on feelings. What I loved about this marriage retreat/workshop is that they did a great job of making both spouses equal. Sometimes in a marriage there is a "squeaky wheel"—the louder of the two who has all of the problems, and you assume that the quiet spouse is completely innocent. Other times, the squeaky wheel is the innocent party being hurt by the quiet one's "moral failure". Regardless, the quiet spouse is often viewed as having fewer or no feelings or opinion, which is simply not the case.  

As we worked through many spin cycles, it became evident that each spouse has an equal amount of feelings, regardless of how loud, quiet, bad or good they act. When you recognize what your own feelings are, you can redirect them into conversations with Jesus, rather than arguments or destructive behavior toward your spouse. Furthermore, when you realize what your spouse's triggers and pain points are, you can help heal those by accepting, understanding, and caring about (not fixing!) their feelings. You can resolve any past pain that you caused, and help point them to Jesus for healing. You can also help heal by using healing words and statements, rather than words that are hurtful to your spouse. 

One thing I took away from the conference was that there is hope for every marriage, regardless of your age, stage, personality, childhood traumas or sins that have been committed. The tools we were given at the retreat (resolving spin cycles, etc.) were certainly helpful, but more valuable than that was the truth that there is hope for a marriage no matter how bad it gets.

Just in the past few years, Hubs and I have watched a few of our friends' marriages struggle or end in divorce. It is so painful, even when you're not part of the situation. Most of the divorce announcements seem to come out of nowhere, and by the time you realize something is wrong it is too late to help. I thought I would share my experience with this ministry just in case you or someone you know is struggling in a marriage where you think there is no hope, or even if you're not quite satisfied with your marriage, or worried about where it's headed. 

It looks like Haven of Hope will be doing another event in Ohio, in November of this year. There is a suggested donation of $300.00 per couple. I felt like the money was well worth it for us, even though we weren't facing any glaring issues in our marriage. They also offer counselling, which is free, but slots fill up very fast. As I mentioned, one of the couples is booked out already for several years.

That's all for this week! I look forward to doing a more eclectic assortment next week.

Blessings,
Bethany