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How to Say "No"

9/30/2014

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Have you ever thought, "There are just not enough hours in the day!"? I have. Some people say you can do it all, but that's not true. Time is precious and its something you can't buy more of. And sometimes we unintentionally sell our time for too cheap or even give it away to people and things that don't matter.

When I got married, I quit my job. I knew I would not have enough time to be the kind of wife that I wanted to be, and a good secretary. There were a lot of things that I quit when I got married. All music and band activities ceased. A lot of social functions and side projects (like selling things on Ebay) got cut because I now had new priorities. At least for this first year of marriage, my husband and I have committed to not putting extra "stuff" on our calendar. It is busy enough WITHOUT me signing up for everything that sounds good or fun.

Getting rid of calendar clutter is a lot harder than getting rid of physical clutter. Why? Because you have to deal with people. You have to tell people "I can't", "I won't" and "no". I can't do (insert activity) anymore, I won't do (insert activity) for you in the future. This can upset some people, especially if you are accustomed to saying "yes" to everyone. Some people might try to manipulate you with guilt or anger. I used to think that I was obligated to do something if I was free that day. If I didn't want to do it, I would lie and tell them I had something else going that day, or come up with something to .do, because it sounds better than "I just don't want to". The problem with this approach is that people keep coming back for more. They didn't hear "no", they heard "later". It's important that you say what you mean. If you have integrity in this way, people will respect you and your time, without demanding explanations.

Consider whether certain activities are in line with your personal and family goals or if they are actually fighting against those goals. For me, a conflicting goal was music. I love music and at one time I was playing in three different groups. However, I married a man whose primary goals did not revolve around music. If I continued to spend so much time playing in bands, we would not go anywhere as a team. I would be pulling one way, and he would be pulling another way. We would have different goals. So for now, playing music is on the back burner. This doesn't make me sad; it's just a different season in my life and I cannot do everything.

It's important to identify what got you so busy in the first place, and to modify your behavior so it doesn't happen again. My problems were beating around the bush when I wanted to say no, and also having a million different interests and trying to follow  them all at the same time. Life got easier when I realized that I could give a firm no, and when I intentionally stopped certain activities so I could get better at others. Example: I put most all of my efforts into gardening and writing this summer, and almost no effort into sewing or painting, which are also things I want to pursue. I will have time for those things later.

You will not believe how easier life becomes when you start protecting your time and saying "no". Suddenly you can actually accomplish things because you are focused and not spread thin, serving everyone and their neighbor. You can actually do a good job at your most important roles in life.

Edit: After nearly a year of marriage, Hubs and I were able to play music again and help out the worship team at church. During the winter, after gardening season, we were able to go to Guatemala for nearly a month, and I was able to spend more time sewing. Learn to say "no" until the time is right!

Do you have a problem with calendar clutter? What has helped you say "no" to unnecessary activities?
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Never De-clutter Again

9/29/2014

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I grew up always hearing about "clutter". Every so often my mom would go on a de-cluttering frenzy and throw out several garbage bags of stuff. I didn't see clutter- I saw good stuff getting thrown away! Sometimes I would sneak out to the dumpster or burn pile, pick out what I wanted to keep and put it in our "fort" in the hay mow. My sister and I furnished a very nice fort this way.

Now that I'm older, I realize that every "thing" you own needs to be stored, cleaned, fixed, sorted, moved and otherwise taken care of. Even more so if you actually USE the thing. If I can't use something, it gets sold on Ebay, donated or thrown away... not put into storage "just in case" I need it. 

The Dreaded Sewing Projects

Before I got married, I had dozens of unfinished sewing projects in storage. They were all nicely labeled and stuffed into individual grocery bags, which were then put into garbage bags for easier moving. I was going to finish them... sometime. I was going to make them a priority and finish them all, one by one. Maybe one a week, or even one per month.

But then a year went by, and two and three, until I found projects that I had completely forgotten about. The sheer amount of unfinished projects was overwhelming. I felt bad because I had promised to myself that I would finish the projects, and I had broke my promise. And there they were, reminding me of my broken promise. 

Finally, I decided to cut my losses and throw away all of my projects. I didn't look through the trash bags and save out my favorite ones- I just threw them all. When they were gone, I felt so good. It was like being forgiven of sins or something. I felt free of the guilt and procrastination that the sewing projects had caused.

Are you giving up a large part of your mental real estate to a bunch of "stuff"? I challenge you to clean out your closets, kitchen cupboards, pantry, hobby room, garage, and every other place where stuff accumulates. Don't throw away things that you actually use, but if you haven't used it in a long time, what makes you think you will use it again? Make three piles; one save, one donate or sell, and the other trash. DON'T just pick toss or donate a few things and then put all of your stuff back into storage. Don't consolidate your stuff and just shuffle it around, moving it from place to place. If you don't use it, refuse it!

Go And Hoard No More

If you're afraid, like I was, of "throwing out good stuff", here is a simple solution: don't buy or accept stuff that you don't need. Then you will never have to throw it away.

Once you've cleaned out, the hard part is facing the next garage sale. Or shopping mall, or auction or whatever caused you to accumulate stuff in the first place. It's okay to pass up a deal. It's okay to let someone else get the 300 tubes of toothpaste free from coupons or all that free stuff from Menards rebates. If you use it, get it. If you "might" use it... think twice.

Nowadays, I don't pick up every bag of buttons or zippers that I see at a garage sale. I don't save every old pair of jeans for "a quilt that I'm going to make someday". These days, when I have an old pair of jeans, I cut them up and use them for cleaning rags. And then I throw the rags away after they are dirty.

That's not to say that I'm the perfect non-hoarder. I still have hoarding tendencies, but when I go to the grocery store or to a garage sale, I have specific guidelines on what and how much I can buy. I know that I am not in a famine, or Great Depression, or any other crisis event where I have to hoard. There is plenty of everything here in America, so I don't "need" stuff.
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How To Make Granola

9/26/2014

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This recipe is included in my book (on Amazon October 1st!), Pizza Night; A Simple Meal Plan. It is one of my favorites. :)

I am a big eggs-for-breakfast fan, but Hubs is all about his granola. I make this for him to have on the days that 1) he doesn't feel like eggs, or 2) I don't feel like cooking (early mornings, anyone?). I prefer this over hot or cold cereal because it only takes one bowl to fill you up. I normally use nuts OR coconut, but not both. This recipe makes about an oatmeal container full- 7-9 cups.
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Cost per recipe: varies with ingredients- $3.32  without *optional ingredients.

Ingredients:
7 cups oats (either kind)
*2 cups unsweetened coconut 
*1 1/2 cup nuts

1 cup melted butter
1/3 cup milk
1 1/2 cups sugar, *honey, *maple syrup, or other sweetener
1/2 tsp salt

Instructions:
1. Mix top three ingredients and any other additional dry ingredients (wheat germ, flax seed, chia seed, etc.) in a large mixing bowl.

2. Melt together butter, milk, sweetener and salt in a small saucepan to get a syrupy mixture.

3. Pour syrup over dry ingredients and mix until everything is coated.

4. Bake 25 minutes at 325 degrees F. Stir.

5. Bake another 15 minutes at 225 degrees F. Stir.

6. Bake yet another 10 minutes.

7. Turn off the oven and let bake for another hour.

After the granola is all baked, add optional fruit if desired. Adding the fruit afterward prevents it from getting hard in the oven.

Hubs likes a chunky, less-stirred granola. I prefer a finer, more-stirred granola. I didn't know this until I made a 'bad' batch with big, hard parts and Hubs told me he really liked it. What the heck!? Different strokes for different folks.

What is your go-to breakfast?
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3 Ways to Teach Yourself

9/5/2014

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Why wait on someone else to learn a skill? I think the best way is to teach yourself.

1. Reading: This is the most cost-efficient way to learn. I keep a bookshelf of thrift-store and garage sale books on hand, along with some used Amazon textbooks for more serious study. My Kindle is
loaded with public domain books, and of course there is the internet.

2. Video: If a book won't cut it, you can also buy a DVD. My preferred method of video-learning is
Youtube, because it's free and there are SO many topics to choose from. Unprofessional maybe, but uploaded by people who have done it before and have some experience. I don't care if someone has a degree, I just want to learn how to do it.

3. Instructors: Part of being self-taught is knowing how and where to find teachers. Most of my "teachers" are authors, as I'm a bookworm, but I've also taken classes or had lessons for some things. For example, I tried learning cake decorating with a book but just didn't 'get' it. Taking a basic Wilton class was just what I
needed. You can also attend seminars or conferences for a more broad in-person learning experience. Keep in mind though, that tutors tend to be expensive. Make the best of your time with them- know what you want to
learn and ask lots of questions. 

Good luck! Learning is something many people forget about after high school or college, so you've got a leg up if you keep at it.
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Industry & Frugality

9/3/2014

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"If frugality is supposed to make me rich, why am I scrimping and saving, yet still hurting for money?"

"If a good paying job is supposed to make me rich, why am I still broke at the end of the month?"

Benjamin Franklin put it like this:

"The way to wealth is as plain as the way to market. It depends chiefly on two words, industry and frugality: that is, waste neither time nor money, but make the best use of both. Without industry and frugality nothing will do, and with them everything."

Maybe the pennies in your pocket are falling out faster than you can put them in. Or maybe there just weren't enough there to begin with! Where to start?

1. It's a good idea to first figure out where all of your household money is going. Track expenses like a hawk for one month. Find unnecessary or unfulfilling purchases that can be cut out.

2.
Figure out were all of your time is going. For one day- or a whole week if you're ambitious- track your activities like a hawk. How much time are you really spending on Facebook, or watching movies, or doing other things that don't matter? Take those hours and use them to do something productive: learning a new skill, for example. Something that will save you time or money.

It becomes easy to be frugal and industrious when you are always learning. Click here to start.
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    Bethany

    Housewife, happy wife, and mama to one. :)

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    The Housewife's Guide to Frugal Food
    How to Eat for $10.00
    ​per Week

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    The Housewife's Guide to Menu Planning
    A Weekly Menu to Save
    Time & Money
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    The Housewife's Guide to
    Frugal Fruits and Vegetables

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